//Why I wish my life was a suspense/thriller

Why I wish my life was a suspense/thriller

I recently read a blog by fellow author, Brea Brown who gave me the idea for this blog post. Hers was geared towards Chick Lit romance because that’s what she writes. I write romantic suspense so mine is a lot more fun! Sorry, Brea. ūüôā ¬† People are often surprised that I ended up writing romantic suspense. I couldn’t agree more. It certainly wasn’t part of my plans when I decided to become a writer before hitting puberty. What they probably don’t know is that I watch a lot of Investigation Discovery and Mystery Detectives, along with all the special shows they offer. The stories about human nature and the risky and stupid choices we make to get what we want are disturbing and fascinating. It’s¬†like watching a really nasty accident happen and not being able to pry your eyes away. The¬†biggest¬†surprise¬†about writing suspense?¬†How much I enjoy it. I¬†get to explore¬†the dark¬†natures and emotions of my characters and even myself. ¬†Scary to some, great for me. Can you say free therapy?¬†¬† But what would life be like if it was a suspense/thriller?¬†Let’s take a look at some ways I¬†think¬†it would work out great. ¬†

Stalking people would be okay

Ever¬†cyber stalked a celebrity or thought¬†about doing¬†it in person? Not a problem if your life is¬†a suspense/thriller.¬†In fact, I’m certain it’s a must have trait.¬†My¬†days would be filled with binocular¬†views of Zac¬†Efron, Nathan Fillion, and¬†Ryan Gosling. Imagine following them to restaurants, watching them take long (in my mind really long)¬†showers, and sleep at night,¬†digging through their¬†closet drawers for underwear to sniff…what?¬†Too much? ¬†¬†

Kill that rude person at the store 

I like to smile or say something nice to salespeople having a bad day which usually cheers them up, but what about those who are rude, obnoxious, and downright nasty no matter how polite you are? Perfect candidates for running over with your car after their shift or stabbing them with a broken store product in the alleyway while they go for a smoke. Mawhahah!

Freak out that annoying neighbor

Have you got a neighbor who doesn’t return¬†things they borrow,¬†has wild parties every weekend, or doesn’t clean up the crap their animals leave in your yard?¬†No problems. Just invite them over and add them to¬†the collection of¬†body parts in your refrigerator. Or you could¬†tie them up in your basement and torture them with¬†your borrowed¬†tools.¬†I hear a neighborhood bar-b-que party¬†is all the¬†rave. Hahahah! ¬†

Get rid of unwanted family

We¬†all have them. That one (or maybe even two) family members that makes you wonder¬†if they’re really related. They come for the weekend,¬†but stay for months. They eat all your food, borrow money they have no intention of paying back, and¬†make messes they never clean up. Black sheep? Bawha! I have two words for you. Fishing trip!

Scare your spouse straight

Spouse giving you a hard time? Can’t get the hubbie¬†to help out around the house or with the kids? Tell them you just increased their life insurance policy. Have conversations on the phone that imply you’re going to get rid of them, or have them wake up in the middle of the night to find you standing over them holding a hammer. Tell them you made something special for them to¬†drink after¬†stocking up on antifreeze.¬†*rubbings hands together* Hahaha, mawhaha! Wait. What was I¬†talking about? Oh yeah. What about you? What wicked thing(s) would you do if your life was a suspense/thriller? Come one. You can tell me! ūüôā¬†


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By |2018-02-13T11:17:57-04:00April 25th, 2014|Categories: Writing|Tags: , , , |14 Comments


  1. Carol Balawyder April 29, 2014 at 6:13 pm - Reply

    I enjoyed your post, Elke…I can see how it could be fun to have a suspense -thrillers life. But what about the romance side?

    • ElkeFeuer April 30, 2014 at 2:44 pm - Reply

      Thanks, Carol!

      I’ll save the romance for another post. ūüôā

  2. Patricia Mann April 30, 2014 at 9:26 am - Reply

    That was hysterical, Elke! What a fun read! I’m with Brea, writing boring chick lit ūüėČ so I never really thought about the appeal of writing romantic suspense. But thanks to this post, I totally get it! So since I’m a professor, I could see asking that one student who always gives me a hard time in class and challenges my grading, etc. (it’s a new student every semester!) to come to my office hours. We could just have a nice little chat about his or her concerns and I could offer a lovely beverage to smooth things over, maybe a little lemonade or iced tea. Little would the student know it’s laced with RAT POISON! mawahaha! You’re right, that was a blast!

    • ElkeFeuer April 30, 2014 at 2:47 pm - Reply

      Thanks, Patricia! Not everyone appreciates my humor.

      Aww, college students. Watch out! Writing suspense is addictive. ūüôā

  3. Heather McCoubrey April 30, 2014 at 10:14 am - Reply

    I love this post and I can totally relate! I think I would start with the obnoxious soccer moms & dads who yell at their kids even though they’re playing their best. And then I would move on to the drivers in the left lane doing 10 under the speed limit…Hmm…I think I see an idea for a book coming on…or at the very least a short story!

    • ElkeFeuer April 30, 2014 at 2:49 pm - Reply

      Thanks, Heather!

      Obnoxious moms and dads! Perfect candidates along with bad drivers. Why didn’t I think of that? ūüôā

      Road rage has definite possibilities.

  4. Julie Valerie @Julie_Valerie April 30, 2014 at 11:49 am - Reply

    Let’s see . . . wicked things to do to my family…

    (1) Tell my 16-year-old there’s no more Goldfish crackers.
    (2) Tell my 14-year-old she can’t craft or draw for one week.
    (3) Tell my 9-year-old he can’t watch or play baseball.
    (4) Tell my 7-year-old no more Minecraft.
    (5) Leave my teabag in the cup in the kitchen sink rather than throw it away – my husband hates that.

    Not as scary as holding a knife over their heads, but trust me. If any one of the above things happened, THEY’d FREAK.

    Thanks for joining April’s Hump Day Blog Hop!!

    • ElkeFeuer April 30, 2014 at 2:51 pm - Reply

      Great choices! My 9-year-old freaks out when his Minecraft is taken away. ūüėČ

  5. Shelly Hickman April 30, 2014 at 12:21 pm - Reply

    What an entertaining post, Elke! Heather, that comment about driving 10 miles under the speed limit in the fast lane is an excellent idea, but I think my form of revenge would be to gift my victim some laxative brownies.

    • ElkeFeuer April 30, 2014 at 2:52 pm - Reply

      Thanks, Shelly!

      LOL! Love the laxative brownies idea. I could think of a couple people who deserve them. ūüôā

  6. Jayne Denker April 30, 2014 at 6:12 pm - Reply

    Elke, this is hilarious! And now you’ve given me dark fantasies about offing my loser neighbor. But can I bury him under his own nasty-ass house instead of letting his body parts clutter up my freezer? Hmm…I’m another chick lit writer, but perhaps we all have romantic suspense capabilities deep down–?

    • ElkeFeuer May 1, 2014 at 6:46 am - Reply

      Thanks, Jayne!

      Lol! I like that idea.

      Come over to the dark side, Jayne. Maybe you could create a new genre. Suspenseful chick lit?

  7. Tahlia May 6, 2014 at 12:17 am - Reply

    Excellent blog here! Also your web site loads up fast!
    What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host?

    I wish my site loaded up as fast as yours lol

    • ElkeFeuer May 6, 2014 at 7:18 am - Reply

      Thanks, Tahlia! I use godaddy. Here’s the link http://www.godaddy.com/

      I know people who’ve had problems with them, but I’m not one of them. ūüôā Good luck!

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